i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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