Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
