my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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