ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
