where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize