If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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