I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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