there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
