i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
