You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
