frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
