Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
