this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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