I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
