oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im six kinds of drunk right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
