my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
