New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
