P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sarcasm needs its own font
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
