peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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