haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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