Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
