I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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