My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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