Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
