We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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