totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
