Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have feelings that need drinking.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
