dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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