Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
