Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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