Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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