I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
