Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
