lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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