when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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