oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
