You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
