i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
