my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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