He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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