so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
