That's when you crack a 10am beer
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
