well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
