The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
