thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
