Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
