i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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