new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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