and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
