Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
