I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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