I think I died a long time ago.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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