I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
