At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
