and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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