Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
