He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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