if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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