i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
