ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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