I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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