we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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