My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
