I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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