Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my shit smells like andre
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
