So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
