how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He passed out mid-signature
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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