I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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