His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
