life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
