I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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