There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
