I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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