Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
