hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
