I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
