it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
