bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
