I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
